Box & Bubbles
by Hey-There-Freddy-Bear
Summary: Everyone dreaded the mornings Robin would blaze through camp, carrying a Reeking Box with an enthusiasm for grueling workouts that surpassed even Frederick's. One-shot. [previously titled 'The Dreaded Box' but I like alliteration too much]


It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and there was nary a Risen in sight. In short, a perfect day to lounge under a big tree and eat a balanced breakfast of candy and…candy.

Then Robin marched past carrying a box that the Shepherds had come to know far too well. Stahl trailed behind her, carrying more of the same and looking as though he wanted to bolt but didn't have the heart to do so. That guy was too nice for his own good.

Gaius instantly leapt to his feet, hoping to flee himself before she noticed him and got any ideas. It was about time he replenished his honey supply, anyway.

"Ah, good morning, Gaius!"

Damn. He turned around slowly, forcing a grin. How did she manage to sound so cheerful when she was about to bring about someone's demise? Scary woman. She advanced on him, leaving ol' Stahl to carry the rest back to the supply tent by his lonesome.

"Hey Bubbles. What're you up to this fine morning?" Like he didn't know. He glared at the box she carried in her arms with a hatred he usually reserved for sugar-free desserts.

"The first few trials with these Reeking Boxes went so well, I thought we'd step it up." She grinned.

Reeking Boxes were Robin's current obsession. Gaius recalled the fated day Robin discovered their existence. A Reeking Box allowed one to summon Risen to the field, she'd told the Shepherds excitedly. They had nodded and smiled politely as she raved about its uses, not understanding just yet that in Robin's hands, the box boded ill for them. That realization came once she shared her plan to use the box to train the Shepherds, a pair at a time against entire squads of Risen.

Everyone had turned to look at Frederick, who stood with his arms crossed and an inscrutable expression on his face. He was the taskmaster; surely he would say that this was too dangerous, or unnecessary, or even a waste of their limited funds? When, instead, he nodded his head slowly in approval of her harebrained scheme, Gaius could swear he heard the collective hopes and dreams of the Shepherds shattering into a million tiny pieces.

From then on, Robin deployed pairs at every opportunity. Sometimes she would participate herself, taking along anyone from Chrom to Sully to even Gaius on occasion. They were armed with nothing but their own weapons and if the trudge back to camp at the end of the day was miserable, then the aches and pains the following morning were even worse. Frederick smugly told anyone who'd listen that those who complained were simply out of shape.

Robin started to act very strangely, even for her, after they rescued Cynthia. Watching Cynthia and Lucina in action, it was clear to everyone that they had inherited some damn good skills. To Chrom's great embarrassment, Gaius had even given him a pat on the back in congratulations. Robin, meanwhile, became especially vigilant about observing the Shepherds while they interacted, raising her eyebrow when she overheard Gregor giving Cordelia love advice or grinning maniacally when Lon'qu responded—however begrudgingly—to Lissa's banter. She then paired _these_ couples on missions. Gaius found this more than a little suspicious.

Now, Gaius followed her to the mess tent, curious to see who would be the poor suckers this time around. The box in her hands elicited alarmed whispers, and Gaius heard Ricken telling the creepy Plegian kid that he was _sure_ he'd 'accidentally' set the last box on fire.

"Apparently," Robin started, bringing the speculation to a halt, "The price of these boxes has risen." She grinned. "Get it? Risen?"

They groaned.

"Alright, alright." Robin put up a hand in defeat. "Let me get right down to it then. In order to save us some coin in the long run, I bought a ton of these this morning. We're going to be doing a couple runs every week, starting today!"

They groaned again, more mournfully this time. Robin just smiled and tapped her lip as she thought. Just how oblivious was this woman?

"Alright," she said after a moment's pause. "Lissa, I'm promoting you to war cleric, so let's go. Lon'qu, you'd better come too, or Chrom will throw a fit." Ignoring Lissa's whimper, Robin put her hands on her hips and regarded the rest of her audience critically. People fidgeted in their seats, avoiding Robin's gaze lest she find them in need of some shaping up.

"Sully and Stahl are up tomorrow," she decided. "Now come along, you two." As soon as she left the tent, the relief in the air was palpable. Lissa dragged her feet, shooting everyone one last mournful look before stepping out. Lon'qu was already waiting outside, having learned early that Robin did not take no for an answer.

Gaius fell in step with Robin. "Say, Bubbles, you're not looking to get them hitched, are ya?"

Robin looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. "No, of course not." Then she stared past him with a faraway look on her face. "We could use another sword master of Lon'qu's caliber, though." She seemed to be making a mental note.

"Uh huh. Um, are you still here?" Gaius waved a hand in front of her face and she blinked. "Welcome back. Listen, you have fun with…whatever it is you're doing. But I'd like to make one thing clear." He leaned in. "You can't get rid of me, so don't bother setting me up, okay? Not with Sully, or Olivia, or that scary dark mage."

Robin flushed bright red and looked away, muttering a reply under her breath. Gaius grinned as she stalked off, grabbing Lissa's arm just as the girl made to run.

"Nooooooo!" Lissa moaned as Robin dragged her away. "I don't want to be a war cleric! Chrom, save meee!"

* * *

_This play-through, I'm trying to complete as many supports as I can for completion's sake. I usually dump two units onto a map of summoned Risen/FE throwback units (in Normal Mode of course). When I'm feeling lazy, which is often, I summon Edward from Radiant Dawn for an easy run. Hmm, how about a one-shot about poor ol' summoned!Edward, the human punching bag, next? Stay tuned!_


End file.
